Random Post about the Priesthood

If you are not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and have any questions for me about any of this, just let me know. I feel somewhat awkward about posting something that I actually know little about factually, but I think this is a valuable public post anyways, since it talks about parenthood, not just from and LDS perspective, but mostly from my perspective. A friend of mine posted a link about some women who are protesting because they think they should be able to go to the Priesthood Session of General Conference. There are some things that I don't care much about and I can just skip over and let go of. This, however, was one of those things I haven't been able to let go of. I didn't even read the link, and I'm definitely not an expert on anything churchy, I'll admit that out front. I do have my inkling of faith, however, and its not that this threatened my faith, why I couldn't let go, but actually quite the opposite, which is interesting. It was a tiny quiet moment (don't have a lot of those) when I could look deep inside myself and actually see my values, all laid out there, and actually see levels of faith in those values. If I was any bit computer literate I would make a little picture graph or something, but we'll just have to do with words.
So, back to my values. Wow, surprised to see how much faith I have in my calling in life as a mother. I know that I really put my all into being a mother, but I always come up disappointed in myself, knowing that I could do better, that I could be stronger, that I could be more patient. But I guess just knowing that Heavenly Father knows how much I love these two little children that he blessed me with and how much I really put into them helps me to not be discouraged, to have the hope that I can learn and grow and do better.
Wow, surprised to see how much faith I have in my marriage and my husband. Sometimes it seems like with work and kids and life I am never as patient as I should be with my husband. I feel blamey and naggy and complainy and such. But that guy works so hard for me and our kiddos, and still takes the time to love us all and take care of us all. And I look at him and the way he treats me and it's just oh, so nice to have someone that treats me like I have value and worth and have someone that appreciates me, despite all my many shortcomings, and lets me do whatever crazy thing I want to do just cause he knows its important to me. He doesn't tell me, well, that's stupid, or that will take too much of your time, or you should do this instead. He just supports me. What a relief to know that he knows that I am doing my best too.
I can't help feeling, as a woman, so deep deep down that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. That I was given so many great tools and great people in my life to help me to be a better mom and a better wife. As you all know, I do a lot of reading, and in studying marriage and family, it is so apparent to me that men and women are made so different, not as a trial, but as a stepping stone to just overcome all these basic little differences so we can learn to work together, to be more patient with each other, to learn to listen to each other, to learn to meet our goals and live our lives TOGETHER. It can't be, well, you are a man so you have to do this list and I'm a woman so this is going to be my list. That's how most of our parents did it, and they had to either learn a new way or split. I don't even want to go there. I don't want to learn a new way. I just wanna do the way that works, cause how much better and easier is that? How lovely is it to have a companion in everything I do, how much better of a mommy can I have daddy parenting next to me? How much better can daddy work if he has a companion who supports him in his work? And I'm not saying there won't be fights, or that their shouldn't be fights or learning curves or stepping stones. I've been trying to beat this game called Bubble World or something like that by going straight to the second level and I can't beat it. I had to go all the way back to the first level and learn the basics first, because that's the way it is.
So back to this linky thing. There are certain causes that I feel are started and develop because of certain divine intervention. There are other causes that I wish were more important and that people, including myself could spend more time on. I feel that this is a cause that was started because there was a problem that wasn't getting solved and so there is a movement that is trying to solve a problem. This movement isn't the answer to the problem, however, in my opinion. If someone wants something, like equality, you have to start small. You have to solve the small problems first, just like a first level. Our basic level in relationship problem solving is the family. If you have a dysfunctional family than there are going to be problems. If a priesthood leader is using his priesthood authority in the wrong way, there are going to be consequences. Unfortunately, women and children mostly have the effects of those consequences. What is the problem? It's not the priesthood, it's not the family unit, it's the person who is using it improperly. We do not need two priesthood leaders in each family unit. What we need is men who understand their role as husbands and fathers and who are making righteous decisions so they can be led by the Spirit and use the priesthood to help and uplift their family and their wives.
As a woman, I have experienced the miracle that it is to be a mother. To be handed a little baby with his or her own little Spirit and be entrusted to take care of them. Our bodies were intelligently designed to create children, to give birth, which is in itself a huge miracle and such a spiritual experience, and even to be able to feed our babies. We are given the strength to do all these things, to endure the sleepless nights and the endless stress that it is to be responsible for that little one's life and development. I have seen that even the most caring fathers are not given the same strengths that women are. Men are not designed to be pregnant, to birth children, to feed children naturally. Which is okay. Are men angry about this? I have yet to see men protest that women are the only ones who get to birth children.
And so I refuse to glorify women that are protesting a right that was divinely given to men to give them the strength that they need to fulfill the responsibilities within the home that they need to fulfill. They are not heroes in my eyes, they have been misled, as many of us are at one time or another, by false information or negative experiences or who knows? But I do feel that they are misled. I do believe that there are certain traditions that should be discontinued if they are not working. I feel like the only reason these women would believe the priesthood is not working, however, would be because they feel threatened or undervalued. The problem lies with the person or people that are making them feel that way, not with the church. I would hope that they could find a cause that would help them to feel valued and to be able to truly see, as I have been very blessed to experience, their true potential as women.
I see the women around me and especially the mothers with young children and my heart both swells and aches for each one of them. I know this is just a tiny bit of what Heavenly Father feels for each one of His precious daughters. And so I believe He has given us the strength that we need innately. He has also given us helpers, especially husbands, but in other cases, our own mothers, friends, sisters, other family members, to uplift us and encourage us. He has given us prayer, so we may communicate with Him at any time of day or night, probably used by mothers mostly at night. He has given our husbands the priesthood, and we can experience its full blessings, but only fully if we are in harmony with Him and with our husbands. These blessings are expanded because of the partnership we strive to have in our marriage. If we are not in a marriage relationship, we can experience priesthood blessings through the other helpers that we are given, especially from our fathers. How precious it is to see a father bond with his child and truly understand a child's struggles as he lays his hands upon that child's head and prays to Heavenly Father specifically for that child. I refuse to take that precious experience away from my husband just as I refuse to give him the blessing of snuggling my little one to nurse him at night. I can pray for my child any time I would like, and my husband can snuggle my child any time he likes, but we are given these most precious extras as gifts from our Heavenly Father and we should rejoice in the blessings and talents our spouses are given, not live in jealousy and hostility. This is all about finding the peace and joy in our lives and in our families and learning to overcome our own personal trials. I apologize that this is not based on facts and figures and historical events, of which I know little of. I don't deal much with anything scientifical while I take care of my most precious little babies. I am so grateful to my husband for allowing me to have this wonderful opportunity through his hard work and sacrifice. All I know is that there is a strong power that keeps me going when the hopelessness sets in at three o'clock in the morning that only another mommy would understand. The knowledge that I am doing the right thing and the most important thing I could be doing, loving and teaching my little ones. That is my testimony. Amen.

my boy(s)!!!

i have put a ton into my children. for those of you that know me pretty well, you know that when i dedicate my life to something, well, i really do. and when my little kiddos came along, it just felt natural to commit to them, over everything else, all the time. well, that was pretty much a good thing, except for one little thing that got left in the dust. and that was my poor husband. so i've had to do a lot of soul searching and a lot of reading and a lot of work to find some room again for my nathan, cause he deserves it. and i deserve it. and i would love to share a few things with you about that journey so far.

the first thing is that, i found some good marriage books. and those of you who know me also know that i expect a lot of myself, and i also expect a lot from other people, mostly of poor nathan, who has put up with me so well all these seven years we've been together (six of those married). so i made nathan read these books too, thinking i would find all sorts of stuff for him to work on, cause he's the one who needed to step it up, you know. well, surprisingly, i was more at fault than him for our marriage, well, struggling. i don't know anybody with a two-year-old and a newborn whose marriage doesn't struggle, i mean, when no one gets any sleep, everyone's a little grumpy, a little blamey, a little defensive, a little ugly. but i thought maybe there was something we could do, so it wouldn't be quite so negative so much of the time. so i broke out the books and found a few things. the first is realizing that i actually needed to like, oh yeah, be nice to nathan. and, oh yeah, let someone else watch my kids (or at least Vito!) once a month so we could actually talk while we ate dinner. and maybe, just maybe, even say happy things every once in awhile instead of VENT, VENT, VENT about kids, people, other people, family, more people, the house, the cars, the other people, you know.

and i finally realized why i married nathan in the first place. cause i loved him, right? well, you all know i am a logical person, and logically, i never really knew why, but now i do! i feel that i needed to marry nathan because he is the opposite of all those things i hated in myself he helps me to overcome, mostly negativity, making excuses, wanting to sleep all the time, etc. he gives me the motivation and the drive to keep going. to be the best i can be. i am not just a better person because of him, i am more of the person that i want to be. and that makes me a lot happier person, knowing that i am doing my best every day.

life is frickin hard. marriage is hard, parenting is harder. its not a fairy tale. there are fairy tale moments, but you have to work hard to make them. its a test. what will help you pass the test. who is the other half that will make you a better person, push you to be the person that you want to be? where do you want to be in five years? in ten years? in twenty years? who will work their butt off to be there with you?

nathan is my other half and even if he works too much i can relate to him and i can understand why and i will work too much right along with him. and i will play hard right along with him. and i will study and learn and get up off my butt every day because that's what makes me happy. not him, but us, together.

i've had to read a lot of books and try a lot of things to make my marriage work. i've learned that you can't change someone else, but if you change yourself, a good person will change WITH you. one last thing, all of this is so hard, but IT IS SO WORTH IT. although life is not a fairy tale, the fairy tale parts that you create are better than anything you can imagine. sorry if this is too lovey dovey. if anyone wants some suggestions of some good books, you can message me. i love me a good book! and i love me a nathan and his two little boys that are just like him!!!

follow-up to "having a new baby"

harrison has been here for six months. he does have a soft, fuzzy little head and i kiss it constantly. he is a snuggly little guy. i snuggle him as much as i can, and i still find time every day to snuggle my vito, who still has a soft noggin himself, even if it isn't very small! upon reading some of things i was most excited about with having little harrison here, it brought up a memory just from last month of my niece guin with baby harrison. she just loves that little guy so much! i just haven't met any other little girl with that much love in one little body, she was seriously more excited about seeing him than seeing her giant pile of Christmas presents, and that just doesn't happen with any five-year-old i know...

vito and harrison are best friends. every time we go anywhere vito makes sure to introduce "baby harrison." then he proceeds to climb into harrison's car seat, squishing him as he kisses him on the head several times. i asked for a tough little boy who could take some of his energetic big brother's craziness, and i got a BIG baby boy who not only can take the constant kisses, squishes, wrestling, rolling, hugging, etc. but who laughs out loud when his brother is near. seeing these two boys is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world. seeing daddy with one of these boys in each arm is also one of my absolute favoritest things. the other day nathan got home from work and i handed harrison over to him. harrison was "getting" him, which is a combo of tickling and hugging, taught to him by vito of course, and laughing and laughing. i've never seen a baby who was so feisty! i love it!

The New Baby

The most exciting development of the past week has been experiencing baby move. I think this baby is just as wiggly as my Vito was, but I'm feeling him/her quite a bit earlier, and maybe that's why it feels different. Although my stomach is quite large, my pants never fit, and I can feel baby move, the whole thing still doesn't feel quite real to me, and the movement is still surprising. Also interesting is that baby and Vito seem to have the same wiggly times. I think the reason this pregnancy seems less real may be because we got to have an ultrasound quite early with Vito. We still have 20 days til our ultrasound with this little one. I am excited to find out what we are having, as I think it will make everything seem more real, and it may motivate us to really choose a boy's name if we need to. If not, it is one less thing to worry about, but means I will be sorting and washing a lot of girls clothes, since Vito's old clothes are still clean and organized. I am also excited as we were able to schedule our ultrasound at Jim Everson's office, and I am assured by the receptionist that he should be in that afternoon. Although Vito tried very hard to hide his gender from us, Jim still came out with the correct prediction (although he was only 95% sure :). Plus Jim just looks so familiar that it makes everything less crazy, and it makes me laugh when I think of Aunt Lissa having had a crush on him in yesteryears. I will keep you all updated!

Parenting and Christ

I have been getting antsy to read a good educational book lately, so I went on Amazon and found a book on parenting and one on marriage that I thought I'd really like. I haven't received them yet, but reading all the reviews got me thinking quite a bit. I've found that for most of the non-medical questions that I've had in parenting (those regarding discipline, sleep, time management, scheduling, feeding, etc.), to find the answer I must only ask one simple question, and that usually leads me exactly where I need to go. It sounds cliche, but maybe there's a reason for that, simply, "What would Jesus do?" He is our example in marriage, in life, and so why not as a parent? Why not most importantly as a parent, since that is our most important calling in life, and especially one with which we can have the most impact?

Parenting subjects affect me deeply, as children are so dear to my heart, and I have searched diligently for the right answers to these subjects. I have gleaned quality information from many sources, and how did I decide on the best answers and the best sources-by knowing ahead of time the type of answer I was looking for. A loving and caring answer, one without hurt, either for me or for my child. Did I find many tempting answers along the way, yes. I have had doctors, religious leaders, fellow parents, non-parents, you name it- give me advice about parenting that sounded like it might work, and like it might work well, with sometimes an undertone, sometimes a blatant overcast, of hurt. "Oh, it'll hurt you more than it hurts them!" What? Why does it have to hurt? If it is good, it shouldn't hurt so bad, or at least I shouldn't hurt so bad. The biggest hurts I have felt are when me or someone close to me are doing something they aren't supposed to. Parenting is about unconditional love. Unconditional love doesn't sound hurtful to me.

There are a few parenting debates that I've seen come up again and again in parenting groups, both personally and professionally as a parent educator. Luckily, I had these subjects introduced to me long before I became a parent, before my lack of sleep or frustration clouded my judgment. Just as we tell preteens to make up their minds about their values before a temptation comes along, I believe we as parents should strive to educate ourselves and decide on an action before the issue comes up, as much as possible anyway. Back to the two debates-spanking and sleep. This is where I said, I think a very simple answer accompanies both these debates. No matter how many times I try to picture this, it seems absolutely absurd, and almost sacreligious, can you imagine Christ striking a child? I can't. I really truly cannot even fathom this scene. And its not as if Christ didn't spend any time around children, he focused a lot of his ministry on children. I think we tend to forget this. He showed us how to be parents, he told us how to be parents. He knew parenting was a huge issue. With the time he spend in people's homes and with children on his lap, do you think Christ didn't get the opportunity to see a child throw a tantrum, or have a child pull his hair, or hear a child call his mom a bad word? Based on what I've seen, I don't think children were just perfect around him either. My son is certainly not perfect just because we're at church! In any case, although I have perfected my own side of the spanking debate on many levels, this is quite possibly the simplest illustration I can give, when we picture Christ with a child, we picture him holding the child, always loving and caring with the little ones!

Which leads me to children and sleep. Here I don't think the answer of what to do is so clearcut. But I can definitely see what Christ would not do. I can most easily see him rocking a child, stroking their hair, and singing a comforting lullaby. There are no examples of this in the scriptures, but as children had such a special place in his heart, I am sure he never gave up an opportunity to soothe a child who was tired or upset. Can I see him locking a child in a room because they just won't sleep? Again, I cannot. Not even a little bit. Can I see him watching a child stand and cry out to him desperately without him going straight to them to comfort them? I cannot. I can see him staying up with a sick child all night so that baby's mother can get some sleep. I can see him blessing that child and calming him, not giving a thought to his own comfort.

There are caring and loving alternatives for each parenting situation. Do they require study and education to find? Yes. Are they always the easiest and least time-consuming option? Hardly ever. Is it worth the extra effort? I think so.

snow

so tonight on the way home from work it was snowing a lot and it wasn't slick or anything but the visibility was pretty terrible and vito was a little fussy and then the roads were getting worse and there were stupid people that were braking in front of me every 10 seconds for no reason at all. so i pass the car and then i realize its really peaceful and quiet and i look back to check on vito and he is sound asleep in his car seat, cute as can be. i know he is busy and crazy and rotten but there has not been one time when i really really needed him to be good that he has not just been a perfect little angel. and that is that.

having a new baby

today i was thinking about a few of the things i am most excited about having another baby. vito will still be my baby boy forever, but i think he is going to be the most awesome big brother ever! luckily he has not entered any hitting or toy-taking phases, i think he will mostly be jealous of time with mommy, so we're working on spending more one-on-one with daddy. also, i have held a few babies lately (every chance i get) and he is very soft and hasn't cried, but it hasn't been close to bed/naptime either.
1. i am SO excited to see vito with his new baby brother or sister for the first time, i know i will cry!
2. i am SO excited to get pictures done of the family together. the lady we went to last time, Kara Olsen, did an AMAZING job and is so good with kids and newborns. the pics i had when vito was done are some of the most treasured things i possess!
3. i am SO excited to see daddy with the new baby. i know nathan will be showing off his new treasure to everyone who will look! he glows more than a pregnant woman when he's got a new baby in his arms.
4. i am SO excited to see vito and the baby (and probably daddy, too) napping together. it melts my heart!
5. i am SO excited to see MiMi with the new baby! she glows almost as much as nathan with a new baby in her arms!
6. i am excited to see guin and lilli swarm the new baby when we visit. they are hilarious!
7. oh, AND I AM EXCITED TO HOLD THE NEW BABY MYSELF!!!!!! i'm gonna snuggle that little bundle and snuggle em summore! and it's gonna have the fuzziest little head and i'm just gonna kiss that noggin all day. and then when daddy steals em i'm gonna snuggle my veetz (if he'll let me) and kiss his fuzzy little head. and i might give nathan a kiss too!